My Listed Guide to Movie Lists

This is the time of year when critics far and wide start to list their favorite movies. Sometimes you see an unheralded gem slide into a spot. Other times, you are shocked in disbelief (Time magazine … this means you and your inclusion of “Fast Five”). But there are some universal truths that everyone needs to know and sharing them with you will be cathartic so thank you for this therapy session. You are permitted to envision me laying on a couch in your office. I am fully clothed … the whole time.

(1) Critics are temperamental little bitches who love to be glorified

How do I know this? I am one, though try my best to separate myself from the pretentiousness as much as possible (example: “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” has a very strong shot of making my top 10). You need to understand that most critics are emotionally flawed in some way as you look at their choices. Is “Hugo” a good movie? Despite some minor flaws, Martin Scorsese absolutely deserves an Oscar nomination and perhaps a win. But what will propel “Hugo” far up in the lists is that it’s a movie for people passionate about movies. It’s not often someone makes a 2-hour epic about the importance of film preservation, so this film will give added meaning to the lives of people who live only through critiquing others’ movies. And critics LOVE that!

(2) The “best” movie is not usually the “most enjoyable”

Hands down, “The Muppets” is going to be my pick for most enjoyable film of the year. It is unbridled fun and, in the words of my mother, “pure joy on screen.” It has laughs, singing, dancing, some witty lines and smart cameos (some bad cameos (Serena Gomez, I’m looking at you)) and is an epic mixture of nostalgia and the rebirth of the Muppets. Yet I have a hard time picking it as my number one because is it really a masterpiece? An advancement in film? No, but … life’s a happy song! And I’m a man, not a muppet! Instead, expect to see a lot of “The Artist”, which has potential to be very enjoyable — or it might just be a way-too-artsy black and white silent film from France about the film industry (see #1, above, for why this matters a lot).

(3) Movies released before September don’t exist.

The best film lists can’t possibly avoid nine months. Well, they do. Off the top of my head, I can only think of three films released before September that won Best Picture in the last two decades: “The Silence of the Lambs”, “Gladiator”, and “The Hurt Locker.” “Hurt Locker” benefitted from a DVD push and some residual “Avatar”‘s been-here-before-but-it’s-oh-so-pretty malaise, while “Gladiator” and “The Silence of the Lambs” were box office smashes. Hopefully, the Oscars don’t again avoid brilliant performances from months past (Paul Giammati in “Win Win” is better than George Clooney in either “The Ides of March” or “The Descendants” or, frankly, Paul Giamatti in “The Ides of March” though all four performances are worthy), but they tend to. So, those of you looking to see those masterful January releases “Season of the Witch”, “From Prada to Nada” or “The Green Hornet” at the Oscars … sorry. There is an exception, of course …

(4) The Oscars are starting to sell out

The Golden Globes are about as reputable as a Congressman saying “I did not have sex with that woman, man, small woodland creature….” Want an example? “Burlesque” was nominated for Best Picture. Here’s an interesting anecdote:

“The whole reason the Globes exist as the boozy, star-filled public spectacle we TiVo today is because, back in 1958, Old Blue Eyes, along with fellow Ratpackers Sammy Davis, Jr. and Dean Martin, got tired of that whole boring part where they announce the winners. Sufficiently soused, the three jumped on stage with cigarettes and high-balls in hand, and hi-jacked/hosted the then modest awards show.” (via VF)

So, okay, the Golden Globes are the drunken uncle of awards and, like that drunken uncle, can be absolutely hilarious — but not the Oscars! Well, yes, the Oscars. Back when “The Dark Knight” was denied a well-deserved Best Picture nomination, fans were angry and people stopped watching. So, instead of deciding to expand the nominees to an unset number of worthy films each year, they expanded the field to ten films a year. That brought the hideously boring “A Serious Man” and the tear jerker I loved so shut up but it’s not a best picture nominee “The Blind Side”. And, for 2011, it will bring “The Help”, also helpful because the list of Oscar winners is really just a few shades darker than a KKK rally. (I held back on my even less PC my first analogy here…)

and (5): Critics who have not seen all likely winners shouldn’t post lists, but they do

Many critics feel that the list of their top 10 movies deserves attention. It often does not. There’s a reason why you won’t see my top 10 list in the next few weeks and not just because I’m on this hiatus. It’s because there are at least 15 films I haven’t seen yet that have made lists. My list is woefully incomplete. However, this doesn’t stop critics with deadlines (“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”, “War Horse”, and “The Iron Lady” were shown to critics a week after some big lists started to get published), so keep an eye out if the list includes movies that have all been released.

Remember these five simple things as you look at the lists and, oh, one more thing: Mahna Mahna.

The Ides of March- Film Review

Upon leaving the critics’ screening of “The Ides of March,” a local reporter walked up to me with her videocamera and said “What did you think?” I quickly spouted back “This movie cements Ryan Gosling as one of the best actors of his generation.” Short, to the point, ready to be copy and pasted into a national advertising campaign … but is that how I really feel?

With all due respect to the more proven Leonardo DiCaprio, who will make another run for Oscar in “J.Edgar” next month, Gosling has taken a DiCaprio-esque path from teenage heartthrob to mainstream star. In the fall, Gosling will have commanded the screen in “The Ides of March” and “Drive” and risen up from “That Guy from “The Notebook”” into the Hollywood elite.

“The Ides of March” focuses on the presidential campaign of a Democratic governor (George Clooney, who also produced, directed, and adapted the screenplay from the play “Farragut North”) who would make any Democrat swoon. He cares about his fellow man, seeks to help the poor, save the environment, and remove student loan debt. His only flaws are his atheism and refusal to compromise his morals for votes. Yes, moral atheists exist. Of course, perfect politicians don’t exist in real life and certainly not in political thrillers, so it’s only a matter of time before the film reveals the governor’s vices. Seeking to hide those vices are Gosling and Phillip Seymour Hoffman (also hot in 2011 with “Moneyball”, though Hoffman is rarely described as “hot”), who do everything they can to keep the campaign ahead of the Democratic primary opponent whose staff is led by Paul Giamatti (Oscar-worthy this year for “Win Win”). Also entering the male-dominated cat-and-mouse political arena are a veteran reporter (Marisa Tomei, who keeps her clothes on for an entire movie!) and a young intern (Evan Rachel Wood, who does not).

This is a film about acting, with one of the best ensembles ever formed. All of the actors turn their parts into a dramatic tour-de-force and a Screen Actors Guild Award for Best Ensemble is not out of the question. But viewers who want something new and different will be disheartened to see that the film’s messages about truth, greed, and the American way have been presented better before and each of the actors, while strong here, has had a more Oscar-worthy performance elsewhere.

Still, “The Ides of March” remains engaging throughout, partially because of the story’s tight timeframe, focused exclusively on the Ohio Democratic primary. The candidate who wins Ohio is expected to win the Democratic nomination, so the stakes are high and the tension rises. Much of this dramatic tension comes from a strong score that hits all of the right notes and keeps the film moving.

Hollywood actors and powerful music weren’t needed to make the play it’s based on a critical and commercial success, however. The play, far less melodramatic, was strong because of its taut writing and does not even feature Clooney’s character on stage. Even with Clooney in a supporting role, though, almost every scene of “The Ides of March” focuses on Gosling’s character and there are close-ups so often and so intense he could probably use this film to audition for a facial cleanser commercial if he can’t find work.  Not that he would need to, given that he’s one of the best actors of his generation.

It Can Be Fixed!

I am honored to begin as a regular contributor to this blog, expanding it from just music. However, like the first day at any job, there’s always that worry you are going to make a bad first impression. What should my first topic be? The 10,000th story about whether Katie Holmes is pregnant, not pregnant, or a soulless robot programmed take over our lives? No. Too trashy. Perhaps comments on the rise (and stagnation) of Paul Giamatti, recently starring in the excellent film “Win Win”? No. Too film critic-y and, yes, I’m making that a word.

Just when I was about to lose hope, I found the idea was staring me in the face. I had been sitting in an airport, staring at a young lady with the body of a Hollywood actress (namely, Precious), when (and I’m not making this up), she bent over to grab the scoop of ice cream that fell from her cone at 9am, revealing a sign behind her for “Catch Me If You Can: The Musical!”