The Third Dimension

3D sounds awesome.

Simply put, but that is why 3D came into being and why it has been marketed as the next movie messiah. If a movie is scary in two dimensions, what if we add a third!? Three hundred times as scary! (This isn’t a math blog, so put your calculators back.) Unfortunately, the time of 3D technology has come and now whimpered away.

Want an example? “Dolphin Tale” coming out on September 23. It is the re-uniting of Morgan Freeman and Ashley Judd after “Kiss the Girls” and “High Crimes” in a dark, psychosexual thriller where the detective (Morgan Freeman) must protect the helpless female main character (Ashley Judd) against a vindictive dolphin, who is keeping her in his underwater lair, using her for sick, sexual experiments. Will Detective Freeman get to the evil dolphin in time?

Ok … that’s not it at all. With Morgan Freeman and Ashley Judd, one has to keep an eye out for dark plot lines, but “Dolphin Tale” is just a family movie about a dolphin. So, why 3D? Because studios green lit the movie when “Hey! it’s 3D like Avatar! Let’s make it!” was the movie studio mantra. That mantra, like the idea of pairing Freeman and Judd in a movie, has since proven stale. “Dolphin Tale” will not earn an $11 movie ticket.

“Shark Night 3D” came out this past weekend and fell far below expectations. Called by some “the worst movie of the summer”, the trailers did not have enough sharks or killings to entice viewers, and that doesn’t even hit my main criticism that nothing seems to happen during the night during Shark Night. 3D did not draw more people in and it furthered the concern than 3D is thrown in without thought.

How about “Fright Night 3D”? Starring Colin Farrell and McLovin (he will never have his own name), “Fright Night 3D” is an enjoyable horror comedy — not scary enough to be a horror film, not funny enough to be a comedy, but just good enough at both to be an enjoyable two hours. But was the 3D worth it? Absolutely not. It did not have the fun 3D effects of “My Bloody Valentine 3D” (sorry, Brett, that movie was hilariously fun) and would have been just as good in 2D.

So is 3D dead? Not necessarily. The one 3D film that I thought would really put the nail in the coffin was “A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas 3D” but it might actually be the Christmas savior for 3D. In the trailer (which came before “Fright Night 3D”), my mom and I (yes, I see horror movies with my mother … more on that in another posting) both thought “that actually looks like really good 3D.” I want things thrown into audiences, explosions where you feel you can reach out and touch the flames … I want what Epcot Center gave me in “Captain EO” twenty years ago (but less of Michael Jackson reaching out into an audience of young boys).

With new technology every day, 3D will have its return. But, until then, I’ll stick with 2D … at least until Neil Patrick Harris tells me to come back.





3 thoughts on “The Third Dimension

  1. I have to agree. I don’t think I’ve seen a 3D movie outside of Disney World that was worth the extra money. I note that Toy Story 4 is scheduled to come out in 2014. While greatly disappointed that Pixar is risking what has thus far been a stellar series, I really hope they don’t do 4 in 3D.

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