Uwe Boll is quite possibly the worst director who ever lived, yet his films often make me think “You know … if it’s on Netflix Watch It Now, I just might… it can’t be THAT bad, right?”
Yet, so far, every Uwe Boll film I’ve seen has actually been far worse than I expected. You know it’s bad when you watch “Alone in the Dark” and think: Tara Reid deserves better than this.
In 2011, he has two classics in the making:
(1) “In the Name of the King 2.” “In the Name of the King” is the worst movie Jason Statham ever made, dreadful on so many levels, so this one is going to be better, right?
Plot isn’t usually necessary in Uwe Boll’s movies, but here you go with the loose narrative structure he will expand with shockingly awful dialogue: “An ex-Special Forces soldier gets thrown back to medieval times to fulfill an ancient prophecy and ends up finding redemption for his own battlefield experiences”
Well, that sounds interesting and potentially awful. Who’s the star? Dolph Lundgren. Luckily, Dolph Lundgren has never made a bad movie, so why would he start now? (Please be careful of the sarcam dripping all over your keyboard.)
Realizing he is the worst director who ever lived, Uwe Boll has recently tried to branch out from awful video game movies to awful semi-comedies, which brings us to:
Uwe Boll, in an interview, said that there aren’t any good examples of superhero movies where an obese woman fights Nazis. I just can’t imagine why … but here it comes:
Again … dreadful … awful … embarrassing … pathetic … and, even with my expectations set low, I expect to be disappointed when I curl up to the computer on a cold D.C. morning, looking for a laugh but, instead, just wanting to cry.