Uwe Boll

Uwe Boll is quite possibly the worst director who ever lived, yet his films often make me think “You know … if it’s on Netflix Watch It Now, I just might… it can’t be THAT bad, right?”

Yet, so far, every Uwe Boll film I’ve seen has actually been far worse than I expected. You know it’s bad when you watch “Alone in the Dark” and think: Tara Reid deserves better than this.

In 2011, he has two classics in the making:

(1) “In the Name of the King 2.” “In the Name of the King” is the worst movie Jason Statham ever made, dreadful on so many levels, so this one is going to be better, right?

Plot isn’t usually necessary in Uwe Boll’s movies, but here you go with the loose narrative structure he will expand with shockingly awful dialogue: “An ex-Special Forces soldier gets thrown back to medieval times to fulfill an ancient prophecy and ends up finding redemption for his own battlefield experiences”

Well, that sounds interesting and potentially awful. Who’s the star? Dolph Lundgren. Luckily, Dolph Lundgren has never made a bad movie, so why would he start now? (Please be careful of the sarcam dripping all over your keyboard.)

Realizing he is the worst director who ever lived, Uwe Boll has recently tried to branch out from awful video game movies to awful semi-comedies, which brings us to:

(2) “Blubberella”

Uwe Boll, in an interview, said that there aren’t any good examples of superhero movies where an obese woman fights Nazis. I just can’t imagine why … but here it comes:

Again … dreadful … awful … embarrassing … pathetic … and, even with my expectations set low, I expect to be disappointed when I curl up to the computer on a cold D.C. morning, looking for a laugh but, instead, just wanting to cry.


2 thoughts on “Uwe Boll

  1. No, this is a good thing. Now, the next time someone calls him the worst director alive, and he has the nerve to argue, they can just show him this trailer and he will have to accept it. I think Bol’s career is just one super long, Andy Kaufman-esque joke. Its the only reasonable explanation.

  2. I like to think that Glenn Beck is the same way. He has a stand-up comedy routine that tours the country, so he has to realize FOX News is a joke, right?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s