Cowboys, Aliens, Smurfs, Communists

As of Sunday night, it was still too close to call if either “Cowboys v. Aliens” or “The Smurfs” was the number one movie at the box office. Numbers have both at about $32 million which is tragically low for “Cowboys v. Aliens” and hilariously high for “The Smurfs.”

Studios expected the combination of cowboys, aliens, James Bond, and Indiana Jones to bring in at least $50 million at the box office and make up for that $200 million budget. The problem, of course, was that the movie didn’t look very good and reminded me more of the horrible Will Smith – Kevin Kline disaster “Wild Wild West” than a fun summer action movie.

What studios didn’t expect, however, was “The Smurfs” giving it a run for its money. So why did “The Smurfs” exceed expectations? Well, the answer is simple if you’re a conservative news pundit: Because Obama turned America into a Communist state. That’s right, folks. First, we support universal health care, then we start to think maybe the rich should pay taxes on their luxury items, then … we heil little blue men (and one woman) who “do the job society has given them” in a “strict hierarchy” where “everyone contributes to the State.”

Or it could just be that family audiences thought “Cowboys v. Aliens” looked dumb, rejected “Winnie the Pooh” when it came out a few weeks ago, thought the last Harry Potter was too scary for young ones, and were disappointed by “Cars 2.” No, that can’t possibly be it. It’s probably that we’re all Communists right now in a government-wide mind control experiment. That makes more sense. Thank you, conservative commentators for catching that.

Now, I’ll go back to waiting in eager anticipation of “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” which, I assume, will be about how things turn to disaster when “science” tries to interrupt God’s creationist plan for all species.


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