Coldplay Goes Emo (Almost)

As you probably know by now, Coldplay has released a new single and if you just judged it by the song title you might think they are taking a break from making music for 50 year olds and shooting for the under 16 demographic instead.  “Every Teardrop is a Waterfall” is the most emo song title I have heard since Brand New penned the gem “Good To Know If I Need Attention All I Have To Do Is Die.”  Really, the only way I could hate Coldplay (When I say Coldplay I really mean Chris Martin.  I’m sure the rest of the guys are nice enough, its just too bad they choose to associate themselves with such a hyper douche) is if they decided to go emo.  Anyone who knows me understands how much I enjoy hating things, so you know that I was pumped to get a hold of this new single.

After I actually listened to the thing it became clear that this song is not an attempt to win the black clad hearts of all of our depressed 8th graders but it sure did make me want to cut my wrists.  My first reaction is to just call it more of the same and move on but I have a feeling that even fans of the band (at least the young ones) are going to dislike this song as much as I did.

Whether you like them or not you have to admit Coldplay knows how to write a pop song.  “Clocks” and “Speed of Sound” are good examples.  Both start with a nice little piano intro, they have short, simple verses that lead into a catchy chorus, and most importantly they build and build until they reach an emotional and energetic peak.  Excellent pop songwriting.

This new one peaks almost immediately and there are zero emotional highs or lows.  All of the nuances that might be there are drowned out by a wall of cheeseball keyboard tones.  Guitarist Johnny Buckland tries to get something started at around the :51 mark but it is to no avail.  I’m pretty sure this is going to be a “hit” but hopefully it will disappear from the radio relatively quickly and will most likely resign itself to being excellent background music in your local mall.  If you want to listen to it now it’s posted below or if you are too busy now you can just wait for the next Buick commercial.

Side Note:  One thing I do have to give Martin credit for is that he was able to rhyme “knees” with “trapezes.”  So…..there’s that.



6 thoughts on “Coldplay Goes Emo (Almost)

  1. As you know, I generally disagree with you about Coldplay, and especially with your opinion of Chris Martin, but I will admit that this does not get me very excited for the new album. Not good at all.

    • Ok, you like Coldplay and I understand that and I have even learned to accept it but how can you possibly debate Chris Martin’s complete douchiness? He is a GIANT bag and he doesn’t even try to hide it.

      • He’s ridiculously talented and entertaining in concert. With all of the no talent ass-hats that make millions and millions of dollars putting out shitty music, I have a massive amount of respect for him. Surely even YOU can’t disagree with that?!

      • You can like his music and that is fine, but a talented a-hole is still an a-hole. Anyone who calls his own music, and I am directly quoting here, “basically genius” is a douche. I have a problem with anyone who thinks so highly of himself. You don’t even hear Bob Dylan say stuff like that and he’s as self absorbed as they come.

      • I’ll give you that but that makes him a part of the rule rather than the exception when it comes to musicians, actors, & entertainers in general. They’re all self absorbed douches, at least this one has the talent to stand behind while he does it unlike so many others. Hey it could be worse, he could use his celebrity to try to promote some righteous cause like stupid-ass Bono.

      • God I hate Bono! Every time he opens his damn mouth he is asking us to send our money somewhere. You’re the rich guy. Send your money.

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